3 Truths About Parenting & Kids that will Ease Your Mind
ONE: There is no normal.
Maybe there was one once but not anymore. The new normal is every kid is unique. Thankfully more and more safe space for this awareness is being created for kids to show up just as they are – true to self.
What this means for parents –
We get to let ourselves off the hook of fixing, shaping, correcting, coercing, and ushering our kids into boxes that don’t work for them.
Instead, we get to hold space for their truth discovery journey. Sometimes that means holding them accountable to clear the layers of clutter that accumulate and shadow their truth. Sometimes that means we go get space held for us to clear the layers of clutter that accumulate and shadow our ability to see their truth. Sometimes that means we advocate for them when the larger world tries to impose their boxes.
By shifting to this perspective we create nurturing safe space for our child’s true self to emerge.
What this means for our communities & schools –
Things will be shifting towards wider spaces for fuller expression. More customization, more individualized learning tracks, more freedom of choice, more integrative experiences, and increased acceptance of a diversity of expression. These changes are happening in many places in both big and small ways. They will continue and kids will benefit.
TWO: Every child is already equipped with everything they need to have the life they are here to have.
Yes, it will absolutely take time (maybe a whole childhood, maybe a whole lifetime) to discover, develop and hone their awareness, skills and inner knowledge but as one of my kids likes to quote back to me, “The journey is the destination” after all. The important thing to know is that it’s there within your child – waiting, unfolding, layer by layer in its own time.
What this means for parents –
It’s not our job to instill the skills, qualities, virtues, and knowledge we think our kids should have to be happy and successful. Once again, we get to unhook!
Instead, we build trust in this awareness and seek to facilitate at every opportunity our child’s self-connection so that as they grow they increase their ability to effectively access their inner backpack of resources along the way and pursue the learning experiences they want and need.
THREE: Trusting our child is one of the most powerful ways we support them.
Trust is a very empowering energy and one that will guide and nurture their own ability to build inner self-trust. Second-guessing, uncertainty, and distrusting energy is very prolific in the cultural collective and if not guided otherwise it’s easy for kids to absorb this as they grow up.
It’s very common to arrive at the teen years with a layer of distrust underpinning the parent-child relationship partially because the cultural energy around the teen years is of deep distrust. Our youth feel and respond to the effects of this daily. Breaking this energy pull with our own kids is hugely beneficial.
What this means for parents –
Day to day trust can be as simple as this statement: In this moment I trust that my child is showing up with this behavior, emotion, or condition for some purpose and with my support she has the inner resources to move this through. I trust that this situation is aiding, teaching, guiding, empowering and preparing her towards the life she is here to experience.
This doesn’t mean that we trust her to always make the best choice because of course, she won’t. Making the best choice every time is not what we’re after and it doesn’t really prepare kids well for the challenges of adulthood. Infusing trust into your parenting means that the connection pathways between you and your child will be short, wide and deep and easy for her to traverse to reach out to you for support, listening, mentoring, and encouragement to step out again to do better the next time. That’s what we’re after.
This three-step approach is not permissive or Pollyanna-ish. Our children are giving us signals of their inner alignment or misalignment all the time. It’s very important that we receive their messages and take inspired actions of support. By unhooking from the parenting pitfalls of fixing (#1), teaching (#2)”, and distrusting (#3) we move into the very powerful position of guiding, mentoring, mirroring, modeling and supporting our kids back towards inner alignment and their true self-connection.
